Review: The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Heat Rating: Spark

Sting (Kink) Rating: 5 Stars

Story Review Rating: 4 Paddles

Interested in spicing up your love life? Ever have that yearning for something more but not sure what it is or what it means? Interested in something kinky and not sure where to start? Which book will help? The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the book for you! This book is great for beginners to learn about the skills and philosophies of BDSM. The book is divided into two sections. The first ten chapters feature popular BDSM skill sets. The second ten chapters focus on fantasies and philosophies. I found this book to be awesome and will be recommending to all the new to BDSM readers and kinksters alike.

I think this book is even good for those who have been around for awhile. It’s a great refresher. What I liked most is each chapter was written by a person who specialized in that topic. This meant each writing style and instructions were different. Some were better than others. Or it could be some appealed to me more than others. The only reason I didn’t rate this book from a writing perspective as 5 star is because I felt there should be more diagrams and pictures. For a beginner book where people aren’t sure about tools and skills, pictures are worth a thousand words. This is why I appreciated chapter five’s bondage for sex by Midori. The illustrations and simple to follow instructions were helpful.

Reading this book, there were many takeaways I highlighted and bookmarked. Different than my usual book reviews, I’m going to mention the sections I liked best. If I mentioned everything I highlighted, I’d end up with a thirty page cliff notes.

Did you know there are three tenets of flogging? I always thought there were only two – striking the person at the right place and amount of force. Instead, I found the next thought to be all encompassing. The three tenets of flogging are Accuracy, Intensity and Connection (p. 50, Janette Heartwood). Another question I receive frequently is how to train a submissive. I’ve been asked if they can have a generic training plan to follow. In How to train your sex slave, Laura Antoniou specifically calls out, training is personal. Never try to use someone else’s training program.

I thought about Ms. Antoniou’s comment. I have to agree. This begs the question, how does one start as a baby Dom/me? This is not to say don’t look at how other people train. It’s to force us to remember, every relationship is unique and the needs of a Dom/me and submissive/slave are different. Therefore, each training plan must be created for the couple by the couple.

For me, the passage which impacted most is in chapter thirteen by Midori. While the subject is on Femdom, I believe it is applicable to both men and women. What really turns on a submissive partner – it’s all about attitude. If the submissive sense that your heart isn’t in it and you’re just faking it as you deliver the spankings or other ministrations, it kills the thrill. It’s 10 times worse than faking orgasms – which is pretty criminal in itself. The submissive may go along with it just to have an “itch” scratched, while you perform to their expectations – creating a vicious cycle of destructive non-communication. This can only end in ugly resentments (p. 288, Midori). I know this cycle well.

Another point from Midori particularly hit home and explains to me why some people I feel the instant need to submit while others who insist they are Dom/mes make me roll my eyes. Effective Dominance comes from the core of the person. This is why it’s essential to know your archetypes and attributes. No amount of fetish wear can make a dominant out of a woman who hasn’t worked on her power and grace within. Having a collection of great toys won’t make you a great domme either – it just means you know where to shop. The same goes for skills. Knowing a lot of techniques does not alone make you a great domme. It’ll make you a skilled top, but that is different from being a dominant (p. 290, Midori).

These are just a sampling of the thoughts and information I enjoyed and found useful in the book. I highly recommend this book to people looking to try some kinky activity in their life. I recommend it to those who have been in the lifestyle a while and need a refresher. This book is great with the baseline and giving guidance on where to go to next. Finally, I leave you with a quote in the book I loved. “The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.” ~ Joseph Bean.





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