Review: Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
My friends in the Kindle Smut group brought this bloggess to my attention. I read one of her blog posts and thought it was HILARIOUS! So a book with her snarky witty humour would be totally awesome too! Wrong. This book did start out pretty well. I nearly peed my pants laughing so hard to the things she experienced as a child. I mean seriously, puppet squirrel, dragged across a parking lot by a car and a turkey Jenkins? How is this not funny? It's a bit incredulous but it's so crazy that this shit can't be made up. And even if it is, I don't care who you are, it's damn funny.
Ms. Lawson apologies up front if anything she says offends anyone. I have to say, if any reads the book and is offended, don't read these kind of books. There wasn't anything offensive in it. There were many great examples psychotic breakdowns as well as poor parenting, but that was funny. I'm surprised everyone still has all their fingers, toes, eyes - basically no body parts are missing.
The first third of the book was pretty much 4 star material for me. My heart strings were even tugged when Ms. Lawson shared her difficulties of pregnancy. I can't imagine the devastation. For her to be able to share the story that is so personal and hurtful, I'm pretty darn impressed.
Her job in HR was a stitch too. Since I did only a one year stint in HR, I can confirm, HR people are not at all what most people think. The ones I worked with, only one was what I considered an HR professional. Everyone else was a walking HR violation, my boss included. Although I have to say, I never once had to ask, "is this a picture of your penis?" I have to say, I wouldn't be able to do it with a straight face. Then again, I might be ornery enough to say, "This is allegedly a picture of your penis. Drop trou and prove it." I'd probably want to be snarky and say, "Hmm, images on paper may appear larger than actual size". HAH! On second thought, I would so say something like that.
So what happened? Why did this book end up as a 3 star? Well, I have to say, it was because of her husband, Victor. Or more so, how she interacts with husband. If there is one person I felt sorry for in the entire book, it was Victor. I kind of felt badly for Ms. Lawson and her outcast upbringing. Yet as we examine the stories, it appears that this was all of her own making. Her sister in the same exact household came out fine. One has to wonder how badly Victor really suffers in this marriage. If a headline some day states "Husband pushed over the edge strangles wife", the first couple I'm going to think of is this couple. Victor earned his badge of patience. If we believed in past lives, he must have done something really really bad and evil. He's paying for it in this life. The whole chapter (or more) dedicated to jobless Ms. Lawson who is supposed to clean the house and cook as part of her quitting pretty much pushed me over the edge.
While Ms. Lawson joked about how each of her injuries would make it look like her husband beat her, I thought, he should. Not really abuse, but more domestic discipline. *psst - Victor, please look up domestic discipline. I know it was probably all cut out of your quick 12 minute wedding ceremony, but that doesn't mean you can't institute it now. I'm rooting for you.* Because if anyone requires maintenance, it would be Ms. Lawson. And instead of weekly, I think daily ones would benefit her.
When the crazy stories of things happening to her morphed into crazy things she would do instead, that is when I lost interest. It's like watching a car crash and wondering, why on earth did that person decide to pile into a 20 car pile up when anyone with a brain could see that there was a traffic accident in front? Why didn't they stop their car and pull over? There was enough time and distance to avoid it. Instead, they increase speed to hit it. I think Victor put it best when he indicated, "you've turned into your father". Yes, Ms. Lawson who gleefully tells all about her father's crazy antics is now the one doing all these nutcase antics which she is proudly telling the world. I hate to say this, but in a Chinese household, poor Ms. Lawson (being a female and all) would have been drown already. The embarrassment to the family and the parents loosing face like this would require her to be "put down". Fortunately, she's not from a Chinese family, so it's all good and we can laugh along with her bizarre thoughts and actions.
Ms. Lawson is one of those people who will always one up any stories in a group. One person will talk about a vacation and something odd happening. Ms. Lawson will jump into the fray with "You will NOT BELIEVE what happened to me this one time." While this type of person is hilarious to listen to the first few times, after awhile, it becomes exhausting. For someone who is shy and has panic attacks, her mouth seems to not be with the program. The several social gatherings she's detailed, well, she's pretty good at calling attention to herself. So this is why the rest of the book I kind of felt pity and disgusted at the same time which gave the book a rating of 2. The average is a 3 star. This hilarious book is recommended to people who want to laugh so hard they pee. It's really quite a funny book. I also HIGHLY recommend this to married men who think their wives are crazy. This book will help you perhaps have a different perspective of your wife. I also HIGHLY recommend this to every single woman out there who thinks she can't find a man. It's not true. You CAN be yourself and still find a man to love you for who you are. This book is a good example of it.
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