S&M 101 for Kinky Folks

     Back in September of 2011, I had the pleasure of attending a class given by Jay Wiseman. He was a dynamic speaker and very informative. Oddly enough, I felt like I was in a neuroscience lecture. I was not able to capture everything. Here are my notes of what I can relay.

      Mr. Wiseman's SM 101 is for the kinky group. Why do we do this? He's coming at it from a neurological and psychological way. He referenced Dr. Charles Moser who has many published journals on this topic. Dr. Charles Moser is currently Chair of Department of Sexual Medicine at IASHS.

What is IASHA?
      The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) is committed to the development of sexology. Sexology is the science of sexual behavior in all of its aspects. By definition, a sexologist is a person with expert knowledge in sexual science who devotes him/herself to its objective observations which are logically consistent. (http://www.iashs.edu/over.html)

      Mr. Wiseman explained about the Nucleus Accumbens and how it shows from a biochemical level that SM people are physically different than those who do not enjoy SM.

What is this Nucleus Accumbens?




      The nucleus accumbens definitely plays a central role in the reward circuit. Its operation is based chiefly on two essential neurotransmitters: dopamine, which promotes desire, and serotonin, whose effects include satiety and inhibition. (Canada Institute of Health Research)

Why does this matter to us?

This is a person who doesn't enjoy impact pain's response.

Hit ----------> Pain

For someone who is a masochist

Hit                                          Pain
      ↘Nucleus Accumbens↗

      This difference of going to the pleasure center BEFORE it hits the pain center is what causes a masochist to enjoy pain. According to Mr. Wiseman, studies have been done to watch brain activity between groups who enjoy physical pain and do not enjoy physical pain and it shows the connection clearly.

Regarding the psychological part to pain for a sub, did you know this little tidbit?

If there is a defined end to pain, a bottom will be able to take more.

If there is no end, the sub will not be able to take as much and will hit a point of despair.

Makes you wonder why Dom/mes tell the sub there will be thirty or fifty strikes of the cane, doesn't it?

What is the highest probability of death in BDSM?

  1. Highly restrictive bindings. If you can't get out in 1 minute or less.
      2. Alone


      According to Mr. Wiseman, when he has a SM scene, the minimal acceptable outcome (MAO) is that 72 hours after the scene, both still feel good about it afterwards. This does not mean the physical bruising or cuts are all gone. What it means is mentally and emotionally, both parties still feel good about the scene and look upon it with pleasure. Basically, NO morning after regrets.

Common ways to achieve MAO

      *Preplay negotiation
      *1st scene to not end badly is important
      *the goal is to leave the sub/bottom wanting more.
      * S&M - feedback = disaster

Tip - to not jar the scene - negotiate beforehand regarding signals

      * 2 squeeze of the hand from the sub
      * The strength of the squeeze and how fast can tell the status of the sub
      * no response - not good
      * rapid - maybe good
      * slow - floating

How would a Top or Dom/me know? Preplay negotiation

      Mr. Wiseman emphasized the Top is the captain of the ship. The Top needs to be in the here and now. Must be hyper-focused on the sub and the sub's responses.

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