30 Days of Kink Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

The appeal of kink to me is the way it makes me feel.  Specifically the thrill of having control taken from me.  Is it really taken from me or is it given/relinquished?  In my life, I'm very controlled and the planner.  Everything follows my rules and structures.  I am ultra organized.  Kink pulls me in because as a submissive, I can let go.  It's freeing for me.

Subspace is something I enjoy greatly.  The feeling of floating where I have no care in the world is relaxing.  It's deep sensation play which really trips my trigger and throws me into a relaxed state.  I specifically like this because letting my guard down with someone I trust is the best way I can show my deep devotion and trust.  I never let my guard down.  I have so many defenses that it makes it almost impossible for me to by hypnotized.  I know; I've tried.

I'm also inherently someone who enjoys serving. I show my love and devotion by acts of service.  This is why the D/s relationship draws to me.  I want to be of service and to please the person I love by anticipating their needs and providing them with comfort.  Where I struggle is when my service is either not appreciated or ignored.  I need the affirmation and rewards.  Is this wrong?  I don't know. 

The type of D/s relationship I like is one which has consequences for actions.  One where the parameters are clear and expectations are laid out.  The structure gives me a sense of comfort in my chaotic busy work life.  It's like a shelter for me, to rest my weary head.

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