Comso BDSM tips part I of II


Dominate Him from Cosmo

Previously, I posted about Cosmo and their stupidest tips.   Based on the articles I read on the web, it appeared Cosmo created 10 to 17 tips based on the faux BDSM book, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I decided to do my own research and find the articles.  When I found the second in the August 2012 Cosmo magazine, I laughed.  There are actually 52 tips.  I'm not sure why they felt the need to add two more than the number 50.  It's divided up into two sections.  One is to Dominate HIM and the other is Let Him take ControlAugust 2012 Cosmo Article

This Saturday, we are going to go over the femdom side.  Some of the tips are your regular sex tips painted over with a "kinky" brush. 

Categories for the tips

Mild and every day sex

1.       Graze your teeth over his index finger.  Sounds like a biter.

2.       Dig your nails into his ass.  30 seconds?  Really?  How are you counting?  Since I'm told most sexual interlude last no longer than a couple of minutes…30 seconds is a lot of time just doing nothing.

3.       Use your bra to bind his hands.  I think I saw this on Varsity Blues.  Highschool high jinx at its finest.

4.       Have him lie on the floor totally naked. Calling Nancy Sinatra!  These boots are made for walking, walking is what they'll do.  These boots were made for walking…walking all over you.  Girls, are you ready?

7.       Slick your lip-plumping gloss.  How is this different than any other day?  Oh right, we slick the bee venom on the lips to show, not use.  As a side note, did you know if you give a guy a bj for a duration of at least 15 minutes, your lips look bee stung for a long while after?  The longer you suck him off, the longer it looks "swollen".  Win-win!

11.   Swivel a small ice cube over his frenulum. Um, are you sure that body part exists on your man?  It doesn't exist on mine.  He's a shifter?  Kinky!

[fren-yuh-luhm]
noun, plural fren·u·la [-luh]
1.
Anatomy, Zoology . a small frenum.
2.
Entomology . a strong spine or group of bristles on the hind wing of many butterflies and moths, projecting beneath the forewing and serving to hold the two wings together in flight


But seriously, apparently this is some part of the penis.  I haven't found it yet.  But if he can't find your gspot, well, tit for tat.

18.   While he's on the couch… crawl into his lap and kiss him hard.  If this is kinky, I shudder to think what is not kinky.

26.   Hold a fruit-flavoured ice pop against his nipple.  Who doesn't do this?



Goofy injury inducing
5.       As you are riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers and pull on them. Right, let's pull off his ears.  The human ear will rip off with the same effort it takes to rip 12 sheets of regular bond paper. Surviving a lethal attack

6.       Press a fork (firmly, but don't break the skin).  Hello?  The Cook, the thief, his wife and her lover?  That fork scene in the movie says it all.

10.   Using  your thumb and pointer finger, make a circle…Yes, grabbing the guy's balls and manhandling it could be sexy, or it could be vomit inducing for many.  Stand to the side to avoid any projectiles.

16.   Bite his inner thigh right where his balls are resting.  Yes, this will definitely turn your man on.  Just watch out for the knee jerk reaction to your face.  Oh, and make sure to avoid the femoral artery, not that you would bite down that hard.

25.   Use the back of the brush to smack his ass when he steps out of the shower. This goes in two sections.  Just make sure he's not startled or he may slip and fall, being wet and all, crack his head on the tube/tile and bleed to death while you frantically call 911. 

Gorilla Sex, lies and videotape - a parody of wild monkey sex
8.       Tell him that he's your slave. Yes, because that is exactly how it works.  *rolls eyes*

9.       In your meanest schoolteacher voice, tell him to go stand in the corner.  Without the understanding of why this works, this will have the guy laughing his ass off.

12.   Be all dominatrix-y by rocking your leather jacket.  I don't even know what to say here.  Every woman in a leather jacket is rocking her domme side, I guess.

13.   Blindfold him, then give him bitchy directions.  Yes, because that is how a Domme behaves.  Total stereotype.  Oh wait, how is this different than a nagging wife or girlfriend?  Right, this is really going to turn him on. Channel that inner goddess bitch.

14.   Tie his silk tie loosely around his penis. Tourniquet anyone?  And what a waste of a tie.

15.   Quiz him - on your favourite flower, etc. Right, because he gives a damn.  A right answer gets 10 seconds of oral?  A wrong is wax dripped on the chest?  Um, this is BDSM.  Wax is the reward!  WTF?

22.   Order him to paint your toe nails - so, how does this get him turned on again?  Oh right, nagging girlfriend/wife is a big turn on.


Kinky!
13.   BDSM sometimes involves sexual deprivation.  Yes, we call it orgasm denial.  Edging - here we cum!

19.   During sex, stick your finger in his mouth and order him to suck it. Aw!  Kinky, you are training him to be a cocksucker.  HAWT!  Soon, it will be sucking strap ons and I can't wait for graduation day when you force him down on his knees to suck a hot guy's big dick before it goes in to his cherry ass.  WOOT!

20.   Make him watch a porno - don't let him touch himself. Is this more m/m porno for him to get use to some hawt ass fucking and slobbery cock sucking?  WOOT!

21.   Out at dinner, massage him over his pants - squirming like a  2 year old who has to pee. OOH!  Age play!  Did you make him wear a diaper too?  Make sure he pees into it and then force him to cum in the diaper.  Totally humiliating and will get him all sorts of turned on.

23.   Have him stand up, bind him to the bed posts, bend over and let him take you from behind.  I know Cosmo wrote this one wrong.  It's bend him over and take him from behind.  PEGGING! This is the final step before you have a hung guy fuck him hard in the ass.  KINKY!

24.   Kneel on top of him with your knees pining his arms and have him service you. Oh, nice twist!  This way, he is eating you out and you can pull back his legs, making it easier for the guy fucking his ass dive in deeper.  Win-win!

25.   Use the back of the brush to smack his ass when he steps out of the shower. The wet skin does sting and gets him used to having his ass slapped when he's fucked in the ass.



Comments

Anonymous said…
Omg LMFAO.

Zoology!!! Bahahahah
O and the hair brush n him falling in the tub Bahahahah

Omg! I had no clue half these things were kinky. wtf?!

That was great lcf!
:) I didn't know either until I "examined" them a bit more deeply. *whisper, get your latex gloves ready!*
Anonymous said…
I was laughing so hard. Fifty shades of ridiculousness.
Wait until next week, when I look at the Let him control me.
Heidy Medrano said…
OMG you made me cry that was funny

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