BDSM 101 Part I

This was a class I attended presented by a Dom from the Ohio Chapter - SMART. This is his opinion.

BDSM is consensual. It is NOT abuse. It is NOT domestic violence.

Reasons why people do this
GOOD
      * power exchange
      * sexual
      * giving or receiving sensation

BAD
      * dislike self and wants to be punished
      * angry at men/women and want to beat them
      * above all NOT a replacement for therapy
      * Cathartic scenes are few and far between
      * can't control own life and looking for someone else to control it

Things to remember before entering a BDSM relationship

      * Master own life before mastering another

      * Be in control of own life before giving control

      * Don't go in for vengeance or manipulation

      * Don't go in broken/wounded - looking to be fixed

      * If you need professional help - don't go into BDSM. This is NOT therapy.

Basic Terms

Top - person holding the handle
      - actively doing physical activity, typically in a scene. Generally not a power exchange.

bottom - receiver

Dom/me - taking control/power which submissive gives. Extends beyond the bounds of a scene. More than just impact play. More than just a one time scene.

Relationships within BDSM is similar to Vanilla in that it is between the partners and what works for them. Every relationship is different.

Master/slave is generally a TPE (Total Power Exchange). Generally this is a full time commitment. Generally it means giving up all the control. Not every Master/slave relationship is the same. You should ask how it is defined.

What is sub frenzy?
This is a sub behaviour where they have uncontrollable energy. They want to try everything at once. Focused on doing instead of feeling.

Basic Etiquette Guidelines

      * Manners still count and are often followed more stringently in a BDSM environment
      * What happens at a play party stays at a play party
      * Ask if you do not know
      * Use Emily Post as a guideline
      * If it is not yours, don't touch
      * if you are at a new place, ask your sponsor to explain the rules
For example - What protocols are enforced?


Common Question - What happens when meeting someone from a BDSM world in the Vanilla World?

You can say, "Hi, My name is ____. You look familiar."

If they answer, "No, I don't think so" or anything indicating they don't know you, stop. They are not out and they do not want to be acknowledged. Just say you are mistaken and pretend this is the first time you met them.

If they say "Yes, we met ___" then it's okay to acknowledge a prior meeting. Still avoid discussing, "Remember that time you were naked and being flogged while sucking...".

Continue to BDSM 101 Part II 

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