D/s in the Real World ~ Rituals & Aftercare


Rituals are established procedures/system/rites that each D/s relationship uses to reinforce the D/s.

Sometimes people consider protocol to be rituals. Not exactly. Protocol is more focused on etiquette.

Now, why do Dom/mes provide rituals for bottoms/subs/slaves?

BECAUSE THEY LOVE IT! This training and consistency keeps the bottom in the D/s mindset. Now there is a balance required which is different for each bottom. Too much ritual and it becomes more of a brow beating which makes an unhappy bottom.

What happens when the rituals are not followed or broken?

This deals with punishment. For each D/s relationship, punishment is different. One example is to use the same toy for punishment so that toy is always associated with punishment. Some Dom/me also give warnings before punishment.

Basically, for the D/s to work smoothly, the underlying discipline and structure must be enforced. Creating a bunch of rules and rituals yet not holding the bottom to it will jeopardize the D/s relationship.

For people who are looking to incorporate etiquette, look to the Queen of England. What she requires, these can be used.

What about rituals? Where do I start?

At home, rituals can be as simple as ensuring that dinner is always on the table by 5 PM. Or as soon as the Dom/me walks through the door from work, the sub/bottom/slave is waiting there to greet.

Examples of rituals Mistress J gave where:

1. Her sub never eats first. Everyone is served before she can sit down to eat.

2. Her sub is not allowed to eat until Mistress J gives her leave to start eating. In the privacy of their home, Mistress J will say, "You may eat". In public, they use a different phrase or a look so that it doesn't clue in the Vanilla people.

Another reason Mistress J likes to use rituals is because this training/conditioning keeps the fantasy up and it helps spices up the relationship. The Dom/me must remember to keep the repetition going and ensure the rituals are done correctly each time. Letting the bottom slide can cause the bottom to question.

What kind of questions come up from the bottom?

1. The bottom may wonder, why wasn't I taken to task for not completing XXX right? Is my Dom/me getting tired of this? Do they no longer want me?

2. Sometimes the bottom will act out. Otherwise known as the bratty sub trying to get attention.


There have been several posts on aftercare so I'm not going to go into depth about what it is and how each relationship has different aftercare. Instead, I'm going to list some helpful tips.

1. Right after a severe impact play where there is bruising, to help it heal quicker, Mistress J's trick is to take a cane and roll over it. Massaging it out helps as well as drinking plenty of water.

2. If there is a lot of bruising where the blood is collecting in one area, Mistress J likes to integrate bloodplay. She will drain the bruise.

3. Arncia gel/cream helps healing. This can be purchased at drug stores or Whole food stores. Or you can just search on Amazon.

4. Scarring - yes this happens. Sometimes it isn't intentional. There is always a possibility of scarring when playing with whips, floggers, canes, needles, knives, etc. Vitamin E oil directly on the scar will help minimize it. Rather than spending money buying fancy oils, just buy the oral Vitamin E capsule. Use a sterilized needle to poke a hole in the capsule and spread that on the scar. 


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