D/S in the Real World - Why do we do this and Legalities

Why do we do this?

Each of us in this group is interested in this lifestyle in varying degrees. However, while we are a little island as a safe haven, we do live in the real world. There was a post previously on how to interact in the public versus private. While it was much heatedly debated, we all agreed that we have differing opinions.

Mistress J follows these rules. Most of these are common sense and once said, I kept nodding in agreement. She reminded the class this is her experience and how she has D/s in her life 24/7.

- We need to be respectful in the vanilla world because we live in it. There is no "island" like the ones in our fantasies or in our books.

- We are into BDSM because it brings another level of intimacy.

- Dominants enjoy D/s because they receive a power exchange.

- Submissive enjoy D/s because they are free to give power up to someone else that they trust.

Legal and Logistics

Now that you've decided upon a D/s relationship. The two of you are now looking into a 24/7 relationship. Are there legalities? For the purposes of this discussion, I am only going to discuss US legality as Mistress J is only knowledgeable about US laws.

Let's talk about these "slave" contracts. There are no legal slave contracts in the US. It is against Federal US law to own another person. It doesn't matter if you draw up a document and have it notarized. IT IS I.L.L.E.G.A.L. Period. No, don't argue it. It isn't legal.

There are documents for "slave" contract which are NOT enforceable in the court of law. Chances are the Dom/me will be thrown into jail.

Here's a question asked. Why would a slave contract be brought up in a legal setting?

Generally because something has gone wrong. With an emergency run to the ER due to a person whipped too hard or flogging incorrectly which ends up with the person peeing blood, these are all things which will get the Dom/me in trouble and in jail. Other examples given are when a branding has gone wrong. There are times where blood play, knife play and other edge play has gone wrong but the sub/slave isn't dead - just in critical condition.

NO MATTER IF THE SUB/SLAVE says they give consent. At this point, if the sub/slave continues to claim consent, a shrink is generally brought in for assessment. They will be assessing to see if the person is suffering domestic abuse which would create this mindset or if the person can be declared as impaired judgement. This latter declaration is not a good one. That is a slippery slope to where a person will lose all rights.

So how do we do this legal? What if an accident happens and we need to go to the emergency but we are afraid of being thrown in jail? What if the sub/slave isn't married to the Dom/me? How does this work?

Power of attorney. There are two kinds. There is the overall power of attorney which is as close as being owned as it can be.

The person granted the power of attorney for you can do the following:
1. Control all your financials - banking/credit cards. This is not limited to ones you own. They could create and open new ones under your name and use it.
2. All property is theirs to dispense.
3. All medical decisions. They CAN refuse to allow a medical staff to treat you. They have the power to do so.

Mistress J warned us in graphic detail of how the attorney of power works. Let's just say, it destroyed her life for a while. She does NOT ever recommend ANYONE give power of attorney to ANYONE. She was very specific in this statement. This was her experience she wanted to share with us. I'm not going into the details because those are hers to share.

Now, there is medical power of attorney. This is the one that long term Dom/me and sub/slaves should think about. This is when a medical issue arises and the two are not married, the Dom/me can make the call. Otherwise, the decision goes to next of kin. Not all next of kin are going to take kindly to a BDSM relationship. Mistress J experiences this issue too where her sub's children have tried to force their mother to leave Mistress J. They have also tried to interfere with medical decisions.

Medical logistics

Let's assume you now have a medical power of attorney. A scene goes wrong where a trip to the ER is necessary.

What do you do?

* Avoid using the terms "slave" and "submissive"
* Avoid talking about D/s and BDSM. It is NOT your job to educate others who aren't in the lifestyle.
* Keep it simple. State just the facts.
* Mention "rough sex" and the mishap.
* Talking about the lifestyle and providing too much information will most likely end up with a call to the law enforcement agencies and become a much more exciting trip than necessary.
* Remember, the medical staff in ER have seen just about everything. Don't lie. Stick to the facts.

Law enforcement knowledge

The Federal government law enforcement agencies knows much more about BDSM than you would think. Why do they know? Because one of the BDSM main chapters in DC have held educational classes for them.

If you are in a situation where there are Federal Agents questioning you, it is best to provide full disclosure. This is only in the case of US Federal agents.

For those who want to know, it's the Black Rose organization who educations our US government officials.

Still, it is best to say you were having "rough sex".

And yes, many LEO and lawyers all know the terms SSC and specifically RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). From what Mistress J explained, RACK is what has been taught and pushed at a Federal level. 


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