30 Days of Kink Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
For a partner, regardless of vanilla or BDSM, I would look for the same baseline traits. I want the person to be a thinker. Someone who has cognitive is a must. As one of my favourite comedians (Ron White) says, "you can't fix stupid". I need to have my mind stimulated. My partner needs to be able to discuss all sorts of ideas, musings and subjects. The mind is the most powerful tool for me.
This also helps in kink because some of the most perverted people are the ones who can take a simple item and turn it creatively kinky. I love this.
Communication comes hand in hand with trust for me. I need someone I can talk about everything about and trust that they are there for me. They want what is best for me. I want to be able to do the same for them. I want them to feel they can trust me and know I'm open to anything they want to talk about. There is nothing taboo between us.
This partner must also be adventurous. We need to be able to want to try new experiences together and share in memory making. I want to grow old with this person. I want to be able to share a lifetime of memories. Adventurous is particularly important in the BDSM lifestyle for an experimental person like me. I have soft limits I'd like to push the boundary on and explore.
What is hard to find, after these demanding qualities, is the kinky part. There are people who meet all these criteria and yet they have no desire to get kinky with sex. This is the pain we experience as kinky people. It's isn't something you can force a person into doing. It's also not something a person may stay doing. One day they may change and say, "no more". This is probably the hardest conversation two compatible people can have - when they change and grow apart.
This also helps in kink because some of the most perverted people are the ones who can take a simple item and turn it creatively kinky. I love this.
Communication comes hand in hand with trust for me. I need someone I can talk about everything about and trust that they are there for me. They want what is best for me. I want to be able to do the same for them. I want them to feel they can trust me and know I'm open to anything they want to talk about. There is nothing taboo between us.
This partner must also be adventurous. We need to be able to want to try new experiences together and share in memory making. I want to grow old with this person. I want to be able to share a lifetime of memories. Adventurous is particularly important in the BDSM lifestyle for an experimental person like me. I have soft limits I'd like to push the boundary on and explore.
What is hard to find, after these demanding qualities, is the kinky part. There are people who meet all these criteria and yet they have no desire to get kinky with sex. This is the pain we experience as kinky people. It's isn't something you can force a person into doing. It's also not something a person may stay doing. One day they may change and say, "no more". This is probably the hardest conversation two compatible people can have - when they change and grow apart.
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