Review: Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture

Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture by Chris Donaghue
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Received this book 6 years ago and I finally forced myself to get through it.  I have picked this book up several times over the years and the first chapter completely turned me off.  I nearly rated this book 1 star based on chapter 1.  Chapter 2 didn't do much better for me.  Chapter 3 regarding "Sex Education and is Dangerous" changed my mind a bit.  It went from a possible DNF book to maybe okay with a 2 star.  So how did it end up with a 4 star?

First, let me explain my issues with the first three chapters.  It is obvious Dr. Donaghue has issues with how our society, specifically Western society views sex.  His diatribe against what is considered "norm" is off-putting and balls to the wall offensive at times.  These first few chapters rail against what most people consider normal.  It is so in your face that it is difficult for me to hear what it is that he saying and what he wants to change.  This is why it was difficult for me to read this book and took me girding my loins and forcing myself past his rage.

Second, it is clear Dr. Donaghue is passionate about his work.  It is also clear that he is dealing with people who are struggling because of their misconceptions of sex.  If he started out the book with perhaps more empathy and showcasing how the "norm" is actually not normal, there might be more readers. 

Third, whilst I don't agree with everything Dr. Donaghue writes, he brings up many good points.  His recaps and examples in each chapter are helpful and clear.  Sometimes it does feel repetitive.  Basically, he is trying to get across that communication is key.  Relationships come in all different forms.  Fluidity and working with your partner(s) should be independent of society's dictates.  I agree with most of these points.

I like how he clarifies there is no such thing as sexual addiction.  I am sure people are going to argue against him.  He also shows a different viewpoint of porn whilst acknowledging much of the porn sets unrealistic expectations.  However, his explanation of why we have so much bad porn is valid and I can buy into his reasoning.  His point of how we let pharmaceutical companies define what constitutes good sex and what is sexual impotency is so on point that I can't believe I haven't seen it from this view before.  

His explanation of marriage and the myth of it may have been better if he had this earlier and re-wrote his first 3 chapters with this framework.  I get that monogamy is not for everyone.  I get that there are many definitions of families and parents.  I tend to be more liberal in this sense where I am in agreement.  It may not be for me, but I see no reason why I need to condemn someone who has a different definition.  This has always puzzled me.  What doesn't work for me may work great for someone else and vice versa.  Dr. Donaghue's bias against what society wants as "norm" creates an "us versus them" mentality which is disappointing.  Because there are, I believe so many people who could benefit from his recommendations and perspective.  Unfortunately, they are feeling like they are in the wrong which is exactly what he is trying to undo.  *shrug*

Not sure how to recommend this book.  I guess it is best for those who have an inquisitive and open mind.  But then it would be preaching to the choir.  This book may not convert those who are solidly in obeisance to the binary patriarchial.  It will give those who are feeling out of place - reassurance that they are not alone.

*I received this book from BDSM Book Reviews